I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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