i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
