FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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