If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
