I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
