Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
