i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
