The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
