I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
