she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
