he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
