That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize