There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
