Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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