If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
