my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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