I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
