tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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