so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
