ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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