6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
