Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
