She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
