Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
