that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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