Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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