Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
