Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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