i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
