Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
