my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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