hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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