Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
