he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
