The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
