My sheets look like a crime scene.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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