Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
