I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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