When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
