Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
50% drunk capacity currently
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
