We're like a lot better than the average bears
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
