I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
