So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
