Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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