Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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