I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
