I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
