That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
