I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
