last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
