if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
