this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
