Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize