Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
