maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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