i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
