Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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