just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
