She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize