Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
