playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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