hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
