Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
