I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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