you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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