HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize