So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
