My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
