i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
