White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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