i don't like sucking hair
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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