Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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