she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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