i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
