Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
