I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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