69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My dick has a subreddit
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
