I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize