my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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