yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
