you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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