She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
