"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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